are we abnormal? i mean more than we already know that we are.  i look at pictures on the websites of my friends and my step sister and all i see are people and alcohol.  lots of lots of alcohol and not even good alcohol.  now i know the players can drink.  but goodness gracious.. what are these people doing??  i have a lot a lot a lot of pictures (and tadd will vouch for it) of me and my friends and i would say there are less than 5% of them that contain alcohol.  do the rest of the teenagers and twenty somethings of the world need all that alcohol.  i'd say they should come hang with us and find out how much fun it can be without alcohol or at least alcohol in moderation. sigh...kids today

in other news we moved. things in the apartment are almost all set up, save a dresser and a dining room table. maybe tonight i'll figure out where i want to hang things on the wall...so tadd stops bugging me.  the bed is a little ghetto but the walls are colorful..all and all its a nice place to live.

I'm doing my best not to procrastinate... at this very moment in time, its not really working out to well for me. I have been really good all weekend and have finished about 2/3 of midterm but it is taking FOREVER!!!! its not that I can't do it , its just that I don't have the energy or desire to put as much detail as she wants into it.  plus I'm completely freaking out about the test in general because I have been doing really really really well in the class and have a chance of getting an A and I do not want to screw it up. now the test isn't due until Wednesday night but if my schedule is as crazy as it has been this whole semester I have to get it done now. 

Oh did I also mention I have a midterm in Memory & Cognition tomorrow morning that I haven't been able to study for yet because I have been working on the midterm for Ergonomics.

And I have a presentation to put together for Ergonomics, to present on Wednesday

And learn my lines (I'm not a slacker, I promise), which I would have done by now if there were more hours in the day

Can't wait until Friday when we get on a plane and leave this place for a few days.

current mood: stressed

i have been a terrible horrible no good ljer. i havent updated in forever, i think that might have to do with so many things going on.  since i last wrote i went home, went to chicago , came back dealt with orientation , 4 hurricanes and a 20 stint in intensive care, which is what this particular late night post is about. 

my earliest memory is being in a hospital...the basement of a hospital when i was 3 having them test my heart. only to find out I have a heart mumur

fast forward 5 years later...playing on the playground ...hitting a brick wall and busting my knee..having water on the need and than being diagnosed with juvenile rheumatory arthritis (auto-immune disorder)

 Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis

The cause of juvenile rheumatoid arthritis (JRA) is not well understood. Most experts believe it is caused by a combination of factors, including:

An overly active immune system that inappropriately attacks joint tissues, as if they were a foreign substance. Viral or bacterial infections are a suspected trigger of the autoimmune process.
Genetic factors that make a child's immune system more likely to react inappropriately.
 

fast foward 3 years later...had seizure (in school) .. seized for two hours...how im not brain dead.idk...anyway received a drug.

fast foward 4 years later....diagnosed with Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura (ITP) ...spent 4 months in a hospital waiting for my body to stop hurting itself...oh yeah they took my spleen too

Idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP) is a rare autoimmune bleeding disorder characterized by the abnormally low levels of certain blood cells called platelets, creating a condition known as thrombocytopenia. Platelets are specialized blood cells that help prevent and stop bleeding by inducing clotting. In ITP, there is no readily apparent cause or underlying disease (idiopathic). The cells of the immune system, lymphocytes, produce anti-platelet antibodies that attach to the platelets. The presence of antibodies on platelets leads to their destruction in the spleen. The disorder is characterized by abnormal bleeding into the skin resulting in bruising, which is what the term purpura means. Bleeding from mucous membranes also occurs, and may subsequently result in low levels of circulating red blood cells (anemia).

ITP presents as a brief, self-limiting form of the disorder (acute ITP) or a longer-term form (chronic ITP). Acute ITP accounts for about 90% of cases, and chronic ITP accounts for the remainder. Eighty percent (80%) of the children with ITP have the acute form while the chronic form affects mostly adults. The acute form usually resolves without treatment (spontaneously) within three to six months. When thrombocytopenia lasts for more than six to 12 months, ITP is classified as the chronic form. Onset of acute ITP is often rapid, while the onset of the chronic form may be gradual.

fast foward 7 years to now...yeah one blood disorder wasnt enough ... enter the new blood disorder...Cold Antibody Hemolytic Anemia

Cold Antibody Hemolytic Anemia is a rare autoimmune disorder characterized by the premature destruction of red blood cells by the body's natural defenses against invading organisms (antibodies). Normally, the red blood cells have a life span of approximately 120 days before they are removed by the spleen. In individuals with Cold Antibody Hemolytic Anemia, the red blood cells are destroyed prematurely and bone marrow production of new cells can no longer compensate for their loss. The severity of the anemia is determined by the length of time that the red blood cells survive and by the capacity of the bone marrow to continue new red blood cell production.

Immune Hemolytic Anemias may be subdivided by the temperatures at which the antibodies destroy red blood cells. As its name implies, Cold Antibody Hemolytic Anemia occurs at temperatures of approximately 0 to 10 degrees centigrade (while Warm Antibody Hemolytic Anemia, for example, occurs at temperatures of 37 degrees or higher).

In most cases, Cold Antibody Hemolytic Anemia is a primary disorder that typically becomes apparent from approximately 50 to 60 years of age. Symptoms and findings associated with the disorder may include fatigue; low levels of circulating red blood cells (anemia); persistent yellowing of the skin, mucous membranes, and whites of the eyes (jaundice); and/or sweating and coldness of the fingers and/or toes (digits) and uneven bluish or reddish discoloration of the skin of the digits, ankles, and wrists (acrocyanosis or Raynaud’s sign).

Cold Antibody Hemolytic Anemia may also occur due to or in association with a number of different underlying disorders such as certain infectious diseases (e.g., mycoplasma infection, mumps, cytomegalovirus, infectious mononucleosis), immunoproliferative diseases (e.g., non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, chronic lymphocytic leukemia), or connective tissue disorders (e.g., systemic lupus erythematosus). Although Cold Antibody Hemolytic Anemia is known to be an autoimmune disorder, its exact underlying cause is not fully understood.

in the last twenty days i have had jundis, multiple IVs, transfusions, procedures where they take out your blood clean it and put fluids back in, a central line in my neck, a vascap in my groin, a PIC line in my arm, fluid in my lungs, an arterial line, a bone marrow aspiration, enough sticks to have another 2 tattoos. this time was  hard. 3 time I have almost died.  first time I ever thought of giving up though...first time ever lying in a hospital bed I ever just wanted it all to end. that scares me. that scares me so much. they say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger but how the hell strong do I have to be...i know im tough and I can take it but why.  they always told me after being sick that i'm here to do something great...thats what all this is for but i don't know if i can take anymore...i am so greatful to the people who helped and sent well wishes and especially my mom and thaddeus..who were there the whole time...i wish my immune system would straighten itself out and stop beating itself up.  i just want to be normal ...thats all...not needing drugs or doctors or procedures... thats the other thing... i have never had a fear of any procedures they have ever had to do on me...and now i am deathly afraid...the central line...that went in okay (they stick a long tube, mine was 35 cm, in your artery so they can give you ivs and take blood) i mean it was no picnic but i could deal...and no matter how much lidocane they give you to numb it up..you still feel it.....next came the vascap...similar procedure just in your leg...that sucked..they said 20 min it was over an hour...that was when i wanted it all to be done...while i was lying there wanting it all to be over...where i didnt want to fight anymore...now they put the vascap in to do a Plasmapheresis.the process of separating certain cells from the plasma in the blood by a machine. Only the cells are returned to the person. Plasmapheresis can be used to remove excess antibodies from the blood.  started the first one... half way through my pressure dropped so they had to stop....in order to it again they had to put in an arterial line...this is a line in your artery in your wrist which they use to measure blood pressure...it took them 6 tries to get in ... now i can deal with IVs going in my arm...sad to say i am used to that...but sticking a needle through an artery is harder...and my arteries werent cooperating...had two treatments of the plasmapheresis ..they went okay...than told i had an infection in my central line... got antibiotics...than they said that had to come out as well as the vas cap but they still need a line in...so they suggest a PIC line...again long wire this time in my arm.... had a guy come into to do it...start freaking out while he is getting ready which takes forever cause you need a sterile field such....he tries twice...cant get it...i have them stop... well they still need to get the central line and vas cap out...i tell them put an IV in and if they have to stick me for blood so be it...they talk me back into the pic line but this time they will do it in this radiology place and knock me out...so they put in an IV for the night...half way through the night by IV infiltrates..which means instead of whatever are giving you going into your vein it goes just into your arm and hurts...alot.... so they take out the IV and have to stick me 4 more times to get one to work...go down the next afternoon to get the PIC in... no one told me not to eat so they cant knock me out...but luckily this was way less stressful than the other procedures.. i think it was because the  lady was talking to me the whole time so i wasnt paying attention to what was going on...than just to be on the safe side they wanted to do a bone marrow aspiration to make sure it wasnt lekumia...for those of you who dont know ... a bone marrow aspiration is where they jam a needle through your hip bone to get a sample of your bone marrow...that one wasnt too terrible cause one of my hemotologist who was cool did it..and again they started talking to me...but now i still think im going to be scared of anything other than blood tests, which sucks cause i wasnt afraid before....oh and during this all...because of first the catheter and than the vascap i could not get out of bed. for three weeks... so now my nice strong legs.. yeah buh bye...i cant stand for very long and stairs hurt so bad...i hate it

miraculously my hematocrit.(The hematocrit is the percent of whole blood that is comprised of red blood cells. The hematocrit is a measure of both the number of red blood cells and the size of red blood cells.) which was around 18%(i think normal for females is 36.1-44.3%) jumed to 29.6% over the weekend and they finally released me on monday.  unfortunately i have to drive to gainsville on thursday to go see the doctor and get counts done again...which i have decided will be up and than i should be able to get counts done here to check my numbers...

i guess i should had to bed... it was nice last night to be able to sleep without wires and tubes and such on me and without nurses comign in every couple of hours....maybe i will be able to sleep now that i have that down... though i doubt i will e able to get a real good sleep till i can sleep next to tadd again... which will be tomorrow when my mom leaves..

current mood: blah

weekends are wonderful... actually any day that i dont have to get up and go to work are wonderful dont get me wrong i love my job.. its just that with the summer here there really arent alot of clubs and such to take care of. so it was another lazy weekend with me and tadd. 

friday was the activities fair/bbq on campus that kara and i were in charge of. unfortunately there were only like 10 freshman that came... damn freshman but at least the clubs that came out got free food. and that was the day that the pain in the ass simulator guy (who seems like a very lonely old man) left and i didnt have to trek out to the lawn in heels to check and make sure he didnt die in the heat of his flight suit.  tadd got frustrated because there was no one really there and that he was wasting his time being there. but than i put him to work cookign with Chaz... which while it kept him busy somehow i think Tadd and Chaz are a very very dangerous combination.

anyway yesterday we went to friendly's for lunch. though we left no room for my free ice cream..but we got a coupon and can go back and get it later.  than we went to the verizon store so i could get a new phone. i bought a LCVG6000 ... which is a cute little phone. it is a picture phone, so now i have an online photo album

http://rocker99.textamerica.com

and if that wasnt enough i have voice dialing too. not to mention a phone that doesnt shut off or have a terrible signal.

we rented Somethings got to Give... which was decent.... I think it went on for way too long though. Tadd and I have been renting lots of movies and SATC with the Blockbuster Movie pass, which if you havent checked it out its awesome. basically you pay $25 a month and can get 2 movies at a time and they are never due so they are never late. so you can exchange them everyday or keep two for the whole month and since we have been changing movies like everyday its more than worth its cost.  we also rented ...lost in translation.. which had no ending and secret window .. which was cool but johnny depp was evil. Underworld is sitting next to me which we will probably watch tomorrow depending on what time tadd gets home from work

i just got back from seeing The Notebook.  OMG it was soo sweet. there was like an entire row of girls behind me crying.  i read the book and while the movie isnt exactly the same as the book it was still very good. i know tadd wasnt all about seeing it but i kinda wished he would have went with me anyway. there was one fight in the movie that was soo us.

he's home...gotta go